Recently, I've been feeling like I'm being blamed for a lot of things for being abroad. A lot has been going on back home while I've been here. I don't feel like I've been a good enough friend, and I've pretty much been told as much. It's just been so difficult keeping up with people with a 9 hour separation. I feel that I try so hard, but it's just not good enough for anyone involved. It's been a pattern in my life, me going somewhere and being different from the norm, losing people along the way has become natural. It kills me, to lose people like that. I just feel so stretched right now. I feel condescended upon. I feel as if I'm not strong enough to make the leap back into American life. I feel that too much has changed back home for me to handle it.
Deep down, I'm scared. And tired. And unsure of myself and where and who I will be when I go back. Sorry for the negativity. I just needed to...process.
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